David Santistevan

The Morning After Sunday Morning: An Essay on the Emptiness of Serving Your Ego

When I woke up this morning, I was anxious.

I didn’t know who I was. No, not in a scary, schizophrenic kind of way. I wasn’t at peace with who I was, my identity, and what I was called to do.

Every morning is marked by this stress, but especially Monday morning – the morning after I lead worship.

When worship goes well, Monday morning feels empty. I miss the compliments of the crowd. I miss the feeling of a job well done. I feel alone.

When worship is a train wreck (yep, it still happens sometimes), I feel like a failure. I feel like I shouldn’t be doing the things that I do. I’m a fake…a phony…I don’t have what it takes. It’s probably time for a new career.

Monday mornings. It’s quiet. And the silence is deafening to my ears.

Maybe you feel this way? You either feel too much pride in how you performed or you feel too much regret for how royally you failed.

If that’s the case, consider Monday morning a gift. Consider the silence a gift. Because when it’s all stripped away, you can be your truest self. You…fully alive in the presence of Jesus…fully accepted for who you are and not the work that you do.

If you were never to lead worship again or do anything of significance with your life, you would be a success because God has chosen to love you.

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